Your Whackadoodle Weekly Nudge: How Beliefs Bend the World That Is
Each week this summer, we’ll offer a gentle nudge to reflect on one of the fourteen Guideposts. This week, we continue with our second Guidepost: Definition and Belief
“In the end, it is important to remember that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.”
— Max DePree, Leadership Is an Art
I was in the hammock on the back deck, half-reading, half-dozing, and wholly enjoying the breeze as it tangled through the milo trees. From where I lay, I could see the canal slipping quietly past the overgrowth, pointing the way out to Kāne‘ohe Bay.
That’s when my phone buzzed. A text.
"I'm ready with the next Guidepost if you are."
No greeting. No context. Just straight to business. I smiled. That was her style.
I tapped back, “Sure. Come on by,” and let myself sink deeper into the hammock, expecting a few minutes’ grace.
The reply came almost instantly.
"I'm at the front door. Didn’t want to barge in."
Of course she was. And of course she didn’t.
I sighed, swung my legs over the side, and sat up. My muscles resisted. My brain protested. But my fingers moved anyway, typing back: “Barge away.”
She came in all excited and bursting to share her notes. “Okay, here’s my weekly nudge for Guidepost Two.” She pulled out a scrap of paper and read aloud:
Practice arguing from your opponent’s perspective. It helps you really understand the debate instead of just dismissing it.
Seeing things through others’ eyes improves your relationships and your ability to persuade.
You’ll spot strengths and limits in your own beliefs, and your beliefs will grow stronger and more flexible.
It is difficult to change a belief but quite easy to expand one. You give four methods.
Method one is about redefining things; like seeing how the definition of love is different for different people. Same for words like power, success, wealth.
Method two is about arguing from your opponents perspective instead of sticking blindly to your own.
Method three is about actively seeing out mind food, like great books, movies, plays, philosophers and stuff, even if you disagree with them sometimes.
Method four is about studying other cultures and languages, so you see that in other parts of the world, they might define entire ways of interacting differently than we do.”
She looked up from her list with a playful glint, “But you forgot one.”
I gave a snort. “I probably never learned them all, so I certainly could have forgotten one.” She frowned at me, so I relented and took her bait. “Okay, which one did you discover, and I forget?”
“Practicing Cognitive Reappraisal, of course,” she chirped happily, delighted with my ignorance. “All this stuff about belief is almost exactly like what my psych teacher is trying to explain, only she uses bigger words and is a lot less fun.”
My laugh grew from snicker to guffaw, before I added more seriously, “I like how you’ve given your reader a few ways to expand a belief, but I think that you might’ve forgotten to mention why knowing how to expand beliefs matters in the first place.”
“Oh right,” she said, grinning, then paused. “Wait—what about that quote from your book? The one where you bottom-line it.” She pulled a battered copy from her backpack and flipped through dog-eared pages. “Here it is:
The most fundamental changes in life happen when we redefine who we are. When we see ourselves differently, we think differently. When we think differently, we feel differently. When we feel differently, we behave differently, and we don’t need some quick-fix technique to control ourselves, or others. So open your mind and explore your definitions. Your life will expand proportionately.
Source: A River Worth Riding: Fourteen Rules for Navigating Life
She looked up thoughtfully, “But a lot of people don’t do that, do they? They cling to what they believe like it was some kind of life raft. Why do you suppose that is?”
I considered the best way to answer. “Okay, so what do you think would happen to a child who was punished every time they questioned any authority? What if questioning authority meant punishment, isolation, or worse. What if obedience to authority meant survival, even if it meant erasing a part of themselves. How might that child developed over time?”
“I guess they’d learn to accept what they’re told without question,” she answered a bit sheepishly. “While others like me grow up surrounded by people who celebrate curiosity and skepticism, and asking ‘why’ isn’t rebellion but a rite of passage.”
“Right. That’s the difference between a mind trained to observe cause and effect, and a mind conditioned to obey without question.”
She smiled, adding thoughtfully, “So you really think people’s beliefs shape what they see? Like, two people can look at the same thing but come away with totally different reactions?”
I smiled back. “It’s like with rain.”
She blinked. “Rain?”
“Yeah. Imagine a rainy day. Some folks see the rain and instantly think of all the science behind it—the whole cause-and-effect chain: evaporation, condensation, clouds, precipitation. They understand it, maybe even predict it. That’s their belief system at work.”
She nodded slowly, intrigued.
“Then there are those who just see rain and think, ‘Better grab a raincoat,’ or ‘I’m gonna get wet.’ It’s practical. Their beliefs shape their immediate reaction.”
“And some,” I added, “look at that same rain and thank their lucky stars for the crops it’s going to help grow. For them, rain isn’t just wetness—it’s hope, sustenance, life. It’s God’s blessing smiling down on them, and for them that’s enough. They don’t care about the scientific explanation. They’d even dismiss the scientific explanation if it contradicted their belief in God.”
She laughed softly. “So, the rain is like a mirror for what people believe.”
“Exactly. Our beliefs filter reality and tell us how to act, what to feel, and how to make sense of things. For some, rain is a chance to go outside and jump in puddles. For others, it’s time to run inside before they catch a cold.”
She looked at me with a new kind of understanding. “So, knowing someone’s beliefs is like holding the key to how they see the world—and why they react the way they do.”
“Exactly,” I said. “And that’s why, when we’re trying to understand behavior—whether it’s about rain or politics or anything else—we have to start with beliefs. Even our own.”
She smiled, like a puzzle piece clicking into place. “Got it. Beliefs shape everything.”
“Correction, beliefs shape our decisions, actions, and thoughts—which to humans is pretty much everything.” I grinned. “Other than that, I think you’ve pretty much got it.”
“Good.” She climbed into the hammock beside me with a contented sigh. “Then you go finish the post—I’ll find us a fun new picture for it. Something involving refracting light I think.”
Your Gentle Nudge for the Week: Practicing the Power of Definition and Belief
Here are a few simple ways to practice Guidepost Two: The Power of Definition and Belief in daily life:
Redefine a loaded word. Pick a word you use a lot—like success, failure, love, wealth, politics, or power. Write down what it means to you. Then ask two people close to you what it means to them. Notice how your understanding grows just by opening it up.
Try on someone else’s perspective. Think of a recent disagreement or a strong opinion you hold. Set a timer for five minutes and argue the opposite side—sincerely and persuasively. What did you discover? Did your belief shift or deepen?
Dig into your belief’s roots. Take a belief you have about yourself, others, or the world. Ask yourself: Where did I first learn this? Who shaped this belief? Follow the thread and decide—does it still serve you?
Practice cognitive reappraisal. Next time a strong emotion hits—anger, frustration, embarrassment—pause. Ask yourself: What belief is driving this? Then ask: What else could be true? Even a small shift in perspective can open up new possibilities. If you need more examples of how cognitive reappraisal works, read our post Whackadoodle Wisdom: Cognitive Reappraisal and the Mental Chill Pill
I’d love to hear what you discover this week—drop a thought, a story, or even a redefined word in the comments. And stay tuned…next week, you’ll meet the Guidepost that holds up a mirror—and helps us hear what our words are really trying to tell us.
Until then, happy navigating.
—Miss Lynn, Et al.