Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode 39, or Is the Power of Attraction Full of Stupid Hot Air?
A Whackadoodle discussion in which my student expresses her concerns regarding the Power of Attraction.
Click here if you would like to view Navigating a Whackadoodle World’s Table of Contents
She had her chin planted firmly in her fists, but I could feel her watching me out of the corner of her eye. Eventually she came out with it, “I have to say that Guidepost Ten is my least favorite.”
“What do you have against the Power of Attraction?” I asked without looking up.
“You can’t do anything with it,” she grumbled. “It just sits there like a blob.”
This time I looked up. “What do you mean you can’t do anything with it?”
She sat up with a huff. “You can do something with all the other guideposts,” she explained. “Guidepost one helps with diagnosing problems; two and three help with understand perspectives; four creates a focus; five, six and seven all help with building a strategy; nine teaches helps us be responsible; eleven keeps us strong; twelve and thirteen improves our influence; and fourteen keeps it all in context. Ten on the other hand teaches,” she stuck her tongue out and blew.
“Please define,” and I stuck my own tongue out and blew.
She rolled her eyes before answering. “How about? Stupid hot air.”
“So, you think that a guidepost which explains why people are more attracted to those who think like them and share their worldviews; which explains why people glom onto groups, clubs, clicks, political parties, and religions; which explains what divides us into us-versus-them thinking; which explains why people fear change, or avoid groups that feel awkward; and which looks for tools to bridge those voids with understanding. You think such a guidepost is nothing more than stupid hot air?”
“Maybe I just don’t see how it does all that stuff,” she mumbled.
“Maybe you’ve been skimming again,” I replied.
She sent me an evil look. “I don’t skim,” she said. I raised my eyebrows until she finally admitted, “Okay, sometimes I skim, but not when it’s important.”
“Perhaps I was too harsh. I’m sorry.” She shrugged noncommittally. “You know, when I think about it,” I added. “There might be another reason why you find the Power of Attraction nothing but stupid hot air.”
“I never said that it was stupid hot air,” she insisted.
“Didn’t you imply exactly that?”
“Whatever,” she shrugged again. “So what’s the other reason?”
“Well, you’ve learned what you can about the what Attraction does to keep some people together while repelling others, but you have neglected the tools designed to bridge the two. Those tools are what give Attraction its power.”
“What tools are you talking about?”
“Well, one tool is understanding how the different personalities react to situations, so you can develop more positive interactions.”
“I read all of that,” she insisted.
“Sure you read it, but have you used it?” I asked. “Have you actually attempted to adjust how you approach people in an attempt to facilitate rapport, or do you just say to yourself, ‘Oh, that guys a Choleric, no wonder he’s a pain to work with.”
She said nothing, so I added, “And what about the knowledge that whenever you are around people who do not share your worldview, the Power of Attraction dictates that you will begin to feel awkward, frustrated, defensive, uncertain, hostile, and a whole lot of other not so nice emotions. How have you been using that truth? Have you just been avoiding those situations because you judge those people to be ignorant jerks not worth your time? Or have you learned to get comfortable with those feelings because you know its the first step in creating a constructive relationship with another human being?”
“You want me to befriend people that I don’t even like?”
“Diplomats, ambassadors, and hostage negotiators do it all the time,” I said throwing up my hands. “Besides, you don’t have to make them your best friends, you just have to stop making them your enemies and figure out how to work with them.” She seemed uncertain, so I added. “There’s this famous saying. It’s often attributed to Abraham Lincoln, but the evidence is anecdotal. Besides, it’s also been attributed to Emperor Sigismund, Martin Luther King, Mark Twain, and Cardinal Richelieu. I personally vote for the author Anonymous,” I chuckled. “Anyway, Lincoln’s supposed to have said, ‘I destroy my enemies when I make them friends.’ You can’t make people friends unless you find ways to attract them to you.”
“Is that why you have that whole section in your book about handling difficult people in the workplace?” she asked after a while.
“Yeah, it’s also why I have the section on giving constructive criticism.” I watched her for a while, thinking. “You know you’re right about Attraction being stupid hot air if all you do is use it to categories people. People don’t belong in categories. It’s when you are able to use what you know to improve relationships that Attraction gains it’s power.”