Navigating a Whackadoodle World: Episode 32, or What does that belief say about you?
A Whackadoodle lesson about The Power of Reflection in which my student practices the art of reflection, and I end up laughing.
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“‘The Rule of Reflection states that the world you perceive is a reflection of who you are.’” She was reading from my first book. She looked up, “Is it true that the Power of Reflection is your favorite of the Guideposts?”
“I suppose it was once true,” I thought back. “But I’ve come to like them all pretty equally over the years.”
“But why was it your favorite?”
“Because once I discovered it and began using it, it gave me so much insight. I was kind of blown away by it. Of course you have to be careful when you use it, or it can get you into trouble.”
“How so?”
“Well, you can’t presume that the insight reflection helps you uncover is always 100% accurate. You still need to confirm understanding before assuming anything.”
“So I still have to use confirming questions to make sure I understand correctly?” she asked to confirm. “Like the one I just asked?”
“Exactly,” I laughed.
“I think we need to give some examples,” she said decisively. “Maybe a few made up conversations that remind people of how reflection works.”
“Be my guest,” I said, bowing my head as I relinquished my seat before the computer.
She sat for a moment adjusting the chair, then gave the computer screen a good stare. “How about we use that annoying should that you brought up last time. Something like…
If someone says, ‘I should really return that phone call.’
You can ask, ‘Does that mean you would really rather not return the phone call?’
Then if they admit that they have been avoiding the phone call, you can ask, ‘Why don’t you want to call?’
…Something like that?” she finished.
“Yeah,” I grinned. “Something like that.”
“Nice,” she grinned back. “Let me try a few more, and you can check them.” She began mumbling to herself as she typed away.
“The world has gone bat sh*t crazy.”
“You’re feeling overwhelmed? Like you don’t know where to start?
“Okay that’s one,” she murmured. “How about…”
“He makes me so mad!!!!”
“So, it’s hard to control of your temper around him?”
“That’s two,” her face was scrunched in thought. “We should probably have three. How about…”
“He’s such a trouble maker.”
“You have trouble dealing with him?”
She looked up, “How’s that?”
“Not bad,” I had to admit. “Of course, there are time when it’s better to say nothing, just listen and reflect.”
“Can you explain reflection one more time? For readers who may have missed it?”
I sighed, and took my chair back. “Reflection basically says that what you say about me says a lot about you, and what I say about you says a lot about me. When people talk about others, they are really talking about how those others affect them. Our words and actions are clues to our belief systems. Does the person talking feel helpless, or powerful? Are the people talking in charge of their lives, or have they relinquished their power to something else? Can the people talking even hear what they are saying? Can they hear you? And of course, the biggest insights come when you start listening reflectively to you own words, actions, and thoughts.”
“How so?”
“Well, what if I hear myself complain that the world has gone bat shit crazy? I can reflect on what that thought says about me. Do I feel overwhelmed? Do I not know where to start? Am I complaining about situations over which I have zero control and little influence? Or let’s say I keep complaining about how someone makes me mad. I can ask myself what it says about me that I allow myself to get so worked up. I can ask myself what I am going to do about the situation. Avoid him? Put up with him and keep getting mad? Find a way to diffuse the situation? And why do I allow him to push my buttons anyway? Is there a proactive way I can make my buttons less explosive.”
“And if you call someone a trouble maker?”
“I can simply admit that I might have trouble dealing with him, then ask for help and advice from someone I respect. The point is to listen to what you say about others because it says a lot about you.”
“Like if I say, ‘I can’t,’ it might mean I’ve given up?”
“Good example,” I nodded.
“It does feel like it’s a lot of trouble. I mean, sometimes it’s fun to talk without thinking.”
“Eventually, reflective thinking becomes a habit, and you won’t have to think. Besides, you don’t have to think reflectively all the time. When people are having fun and being silly, reflective thinking can get in the way of the fun. However, when people are argumentative, frustrated, emotional, confused, and needing help, reflective thinking can be a great way to uncover the root causes of the frustrations they’re facing.”
“And any frustrations I might be facing?”
“I’ll give that insight an A+++.”
“These days schools don’t give out letter grades,” she informed me with mock gravity. “What you called an ‘A’ back in your day, now gets recorded as ‘Exceeds Expectations.’”
“Forgive me,” I snorted. “But I believe that the expression ‘A+++’ will never lose it’s meaning.”
“And what does that belief say about you?” she teased.
I said nothing, just laughed.