Whackadoodle Definitions: Is Sorry the sorriest word, or not?
A few thoughts about why sorry is one of the worst, and best, words in the English language, depending on how we use it.
We’ve locked all our doors for the first time since 2010.
I know because that’s the year I moved back to Hawaii to be caregiver for my parents, and I haven’t locked the door since. We only use a screen door that bangs in the wind, and has a big hole in it made by the cats and loved by mosquitoes.
A bunch of stuff happened today that would be wrong for me to share online. I am only here to explain the meaning of sorry…
She came into the room. I could feel her concerns. It came to me immediately to say, “I’m sorry.”
I’m not sure what she said, but I think it was, “Why?”
The nerd in me took over, and I answered, “There are two ways people use the word sorry. One: I am sorry for what I just did. And two: I feel your frustration, your concern, your anger, your love. I feel for you, and I am sorry that I can't do more.”
She simply said, “Thank you,” and left the room.
I’ve always hated it when kids are forced to apologize to someone when they are so obviously not sorry. Believe me I’ve seen it. I hate it even more when kids are force to accept an apology that they know is false. I’ve seen that as well.
Let’s please stop doing that.
I once refused to accept an apology from a student, which was forced upon me by a fellow educator. “I know that you are sorry,” I told her. “Sorry that you got caught.” I suppose that’s a third way people use the word. I knew the student as a liar and thief. She had told me, “I’m sorry,” more than a dozen times over the years. I informed her that I didn’t not accept her apology because I knew her as a liar, and saw no reason to I believe her now. My fellow administrator thought I was being too harsh. I told him that he could do as he wanted, but she could not come back to my program until she had paid back her theft. I said it right in front of her to be sure that she heard.
A year later, she came back, asking to use my computers to do her homework. This time she really was sorry, so I suppose that’s a fourth way sorry is used, “I know what I did was stupid, and I will not act that way around you again.” She never lied or stole from me again, but I can’t be sure about how she treated others.
When sorry is used sincerely, it is a truly wonderful word. Sorry without consequences and restitution is just a sorry word.